This too would pass…probably this might not even count…and yet they seem to leave an impression which you believe would last for a life time!!!

I linger around…trying to capture everything…but of course…this too would pass!

Captain saheb is worried that he might be wasting his life in the army. Once an avid reader, he has stopped reading books. He is trying out new hobbies. Previously it was photography and now it is star gazing. Where do you live? Are you happy? A shack, rather a thatched hut – with a fixed steel fixture used as a table. I didn’t delve too much into the detail, for fear of not liking what I might have to hear. He asks me for a list of books he can read during his free time, which he has in plenty. Do I hear frustration in his voice? He complains about his job which doesn’t have much to offer in terms of variety. His mind keeps wandering off to various things, various issues. He discusses a couple of them with me and then suddenly goes silent. What gibberish am I talking? I encourage him, but the moment has transformed into something else, he has transformed into someone else. I can’t bring it back and probably neither can he. We chat for a while about general things people talk about on phone. I ask him to call me again and more frequently. He might and then again he might not. Should I be worried?

Singapore awaits me… and so does loneliness!

I cleaned my room after a long time. Vacuum cleaned the carpets. Gigolo points out that it’s all a farce. His table is probably dirtier than my entire room. Probably it is. I shouldn’t be bothered.

CFA is round the corner and I haven’t started my preps yet. My excuse – I have to learn to use the calculator first. Then have to clean my room, which is why I did clean it up today, in the first place. And then… something would spring up again I guess.

Had my first steam bath. Roman set up – felt like royalty. Me and Gavri – discussed the entire one and a half year of IIMB. Conclusion – a couple of beers would have added to our fun.

And for those who missed out on the match. Make sure you watch the repeat telecast, for it would go down as one of the most famous battles in the history of Wimbledon and that of Tennis…

What does the fortune teller foretells? Are things changing finally?

Singapura: Slogged and slogged…averaging around 18 hours a day (phew!). And not surprisingly, I did like the work. It was engrossing at times. And for the rest of the time, well! I just had to do it. And yeah! Singapura was fun. Motu & I explored all the exquisite cuisines Singapura had to offer, well almost all. Crabs, lobsters, cheesecakes…! And Gajodhar was a discovery…

Amritsar to Godda: 36 hours long train journey with mom, dad, didi and Archu. Spent hours and hours talking to di about how she plans to reform the education system of Bihar. She is some inspiration. She amazes me with her confidence in everything she does. And yet! I can feel the sadness beneath the surface which brings out the vulnerability in her eyes.

Archu was a revelation. The fear of sleeping on the top most berth still haunts him and yet he has matured in more ways than one. The PSP would have kept him engaged for all 36 hours, had it not been for the Indian Railways. For once we were thankful that not all trains provide facilities to charge portable devices. He was made to study a bit though, which obviously did not leave him very happy.

And the memories which hit me like a gust of wind. While lying down, I went through all of them, frame by frame, and was engulfed once again in loneliness.

Home: The house looks prettier now. Choti has done some amazing work with the living room and mom couldn’t resist the temptation of showing me around the moment I entered the house. But the room on the top floor (it’s supposed to be my room) looks lonely, with dull coloured sheets covering everything in the room. Would I ever stay in that room?

Spent considerable amount of time exploring the four (yes four it is) terraces, giving ideas to mom as to how can she convert one of them to a bar. She was furious; nevertheless she agreed to add at least a shed to one of the terraces, with sitting arrangements.

With Sarah: Wonderful! Would I be able to relive the times again? I wonder…

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a…

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone…

Life has taken so many turns and has finally narrowed down into a small stream. I know this would not last and even from here I can see the next turn. I am afraid for I do not know what lies beyond the turn. I am afraid that it might turn out to be one big waterfall or a gigantic whirlpool that might suck me into it. But then I might enjoy it as well.

 It’s a compelling drama and a must watch…

I am not supposed to provide solutions, nor am I adept at giving reasons. There are numerous options available, but I won’t help you evaluate them. But I promise, I would be with you. Till the end.

Choice is yours. It isn’t easy, it has never been. Not for you, nor for anyone else. But still people have made choices. And the only commonality is that they chose to live.

Is it so difficult? It damn very much is.

Where are we heading to? Where would we end up? They say, journey matters. Destination is but an illusion. Life is sum total of what you did, of what you experienced, of whom you experienced with. Along the journey, I promise to be with you. I would share your thoughts, if you care to share them with me. You would have my shoulders, whenever you need to cry. I promise, I would be with you.

I would not ask questions. I won’t seek answers. I won’t judge you.

I promise, I would be with you.

They say he would. With time…

He has been trying to drown himself in work for past couple of months. He has plans of starting his studies soon in a hope to re initiate his life. But it isn’t helping him much. He reminisces the days spent with Sarah. Sarah! He shouts her name aloud. A cold wave touches his feet, washing away the sand he stands on, and a shiver runs through his spine. He falls deeper into the abyss.

He knew it was inevitable and had been preparing himself to face this day for a long time now. But the force with which it hit him, has taken him by surprise. The pangs of pains cut through his soul and he feels bloodless.

He still clings to some hope, not sure of what might become of him and of Sarah. He thinks he believes in destiny. But deep inside, he knows, it’s an end, or may be a beginning. Golu is not sure. He is not sure of anything these days.

Destiny, yeah! He finishes his last beer and walks towards his car, preparing himself for yet another sleepless night.