Support system…

Vicky bhaiya seems lonely or is it a figment of my imagination? He is happy for his parents. They have an excellent support system back home. People who are always willing to help them, friends who celebrate diwali with them, relatives who stick by his parents through thick and thin. It lessens his worries, especially after the tragedy the whole family faced a few years ago. The tragedy has put an extra burden on the only son. He asks me to visit them more often.

Captain saheb is worried that he might be wasting his life in the army. Once an avid reader, he has stopped reading books. He is trying out new hobbies. Previously it was photography and now it is star gazing. Where do you live? Are you happy? A shack, rather a thatched hut – with a fixed steel fixture used as a table. I didn’t delve too much into the detail, for fear of not liking what I might have to hear. He asks me for a list of books he can read during his free time, which he has in plenty. Do I hear frustration in his voice? He complains about his job which doesn’t have much to offer in terms of variety. His mind keeps wandering off to various things, various issues. He discusses a couple of them with me and then suddenly goes silent. What gibberish am I talking? I encourage him, but the moment has transformed into something else, he has transformed into someone else. I can’t bring it back and probably neither can he. We chat for a while about general things people talk about on phone. I ask him to call me again and more frequently. He might and then again he might not. Should I be worried?

Singapore awaits me… and so does loneliness!

U Know How It Is..??

This question freaks me out. How am I supposed to know how it is? Okay, so you had a bad day at office and to my question what went wrong, you reply, you know how it is. You have a top supervisor visiting your location, and you probably have to work your ass off. But I still don’t know how it is. Break up with your girlfriend, or probably the girl you like has umpteen boy friends, and in all probability she doesn’t give a damn for you. So am I supposed to know how is it?

I do nod in assurance and that probably makes you conclude that I am with you in what you feel and think. But I have no clue. I nod because I don’t know how to react to the question. I am sure you don’t expect a reply like, damn! I have absolutely no idea as to how is it, or hey! I am not going through it, and so don’t expect me to know how is it, or even better, hey!I think you deserve it.

Yes, there are times and events which I can relate too, and probably I can identify your feelings and thoughts. But that doesn’t imply I would be sympathetic. I have no idea as to how & why did you get into such situation. I have the picture you portray, and I would be foolish to accept it in entirety. For all I know, you deserved the outcome. And for all you know I myself would have been involved in some sinisterly secret way in the outcome.

But for all those who don’t get it, you know how it is……??

Alternate Existence

For some time now, I have been thinking of me existing in another place or time. Or to put it more succinctly the idea of my dual or even multiple existence. Given that origin of life on earth is a causal phenomenon, it could be possible, eh? An alternate me living a life same as me in some alternate universe/planet/country/wherever.

So how would it be meeting this other me? I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that I might spook out if and when it happens. I mean listening to your own thoughts. Wouldn’t it be creepy? I have had opportunities of listening to my own voice on several occasions and it was kind of weird. Given that I did not like listening to my own voice, how would it be listening to my own self? He would be able to speak out things which I would be thinking of. And what about free will then? Would my free will be violated?

Talking about free will, recent developments have come up with an hypothesis that free will doesn’t exist at all.

“Which means your conscious experience of making a decision – the experience associated with free will – is just a kind of add-on, an after-thought that only happens once the brain has already set about its business. In other words, your brain is doing the real work, making your hands turn the pages of this magazine or reach over for your cup of tea, and all the time your conscious mind is tagging along behind.” – Excerpts from the newspaper.

So free will anyways is an illusion.

Coming back to my alternate self, it would be like looking at yourself but with an aloofness and an unbiasedness which can seldom be achieved, while analyzing oneself. Without prejudice I would be able to judge myself and wouldn’t that be great? Or it might turn out to be worse, knowing what you are, and still willing to be what you are.

Catching up with friends…

How do you respond to the question how have you been? And that too to a friend whom you talk to almost after a lifetime. Should you be responding with a laconic comment such as “hmmmmm!!! am okay!!?” Or should you ramble about everything you have been through during the years you didn’t or couldn’t see each other. A friend with whom you used to share so many things years ago.

“The more things change the more they remain the same.” Most of us would agree to disagree with the quote. I am not an astute observer but I didn’t fail to notice the changes in my friend. I sincerely hope that the changes I observed are for better rather than for worse. And I wonder as to how would my friend be taking the changes in me. It’s difficult, for me, to ascertain the changes in me over the time.

Yes, we have traversed a long distance from what we used to be. Some of us have been able to achieve what we had been aspiring for and some of us have conveniently or inconveniently accepted aspiration as an end to itself. We have compromised and have learnt to improvise as we have moved along. Acceptance comes easier now.

Anyways, I was talking about talking with a friend of mine after years of not being in touch. And I felt good. It was an exhilarating change from an otherwise mundane office life. We kept babbling to each other, things coming out of us gushingly as if we were teenagers. Trying to catch up with each others past. How is your family? Do you have any girlfriends? How about work? Ah!!! and are you in touch with so and so. Tell me about your break ups. And it went on and on. It took a while for both of us to shed our inhibitions, but it was worth it.

It was nice to meander through the path once you had traveled, not so long ago, and the memories of which lie latent in the innermost recesses of your mind.